When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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