you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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