Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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