Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
