In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
