tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
