Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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