I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
