I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
two words: eviction party
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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