i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
