Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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