Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
