Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
