I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
only if we run a train.
done.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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