I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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