all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
