Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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