you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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