I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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