wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
They have beer where we have blood.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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