I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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