this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
