I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
