He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
