I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize