this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
