you're like a bully in the Christmas story
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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