ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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