hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
