I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
