Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
