New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
