I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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