Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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