So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
