just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
