Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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