you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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