She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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