you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
