I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
