Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
