I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
