i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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