And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
