It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize