If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
