i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
