you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
