I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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