You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
