I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
