i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize