The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I cannot find my penis.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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