The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
