I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
