No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
