he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
