He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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