I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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