did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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