i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
