I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
