Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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