I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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