So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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