he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
These tits shall not be calmed
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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