Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize