somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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