you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
