she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
