Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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